Make War, Not Love

     I've always thought of myself as a pacifist and been unsure I could kill someone, even to save my life, though I am pretty sure I could do it to save one of my children. I've always played a good defensive game of chess, but been unable to figure out how to win the game, except by accident! And I've been sure for years those two facts are related in some way, but until recently didn't think it was worth bothering to figure out how.
     But "the times, they are a-changin'." (Never thought I'd be quoting Dylan on this blog! Now I need The Mike to do his impression for me.)
     Years ago, I went to a cooperative games night at the kids' elementary school. One of the games we played  involved breaking the players up into two equal groups, putting one group on either side of a line down the middle of the room, and giving each group an equal number of small, soft balls. The object of the game was to become the group with no balls on your side of the line.
     Of course, as soon as the game started people on both sides started throwing balls like crazy, trying to get them all onto the other side of the line, and it immediately became apparent that wasn't the way to win anything. As I watched, I couldn't see any way all the balls could end up on one side of the line, because they were continually being thrown and returned, and if one side hung on to all of them, thinking they would then throw them all over to the other side at once, they would lose the game while they were stockpiling for that final throw. But I did think of a way both sides could win at the same time.
     So I consulted with a few people on my team. They agreed it was worth a try, and we told our plan to our other teammates. Then we called a couple of our opponents to the center to see if they wanted to put the plan into action. They did, so they spread the word to their teammates. Then players on both sides grabbed the nearest ball and hung onto it. Everyone who had a ball came to the center line and, on the count of three, placed their ball on the line, meaning neither side had any balls on it and so both teams won at the same time. Or at least, that was the way the plan was supposed to work. What actually happened was that one of the mothers on my team had a ball in her pocket and once all the other balls were on the line she threw it onto the other side, thinking we won the game without even considering we actually lost it while the ball was in her pocket! By which action she showed herself to be stupid as well as an uncooperative cheater and bad example for all the children present. But that has nothing to do with my point. My point is: I thought of a way for both sides to win the game. Yay!
     But I've always wondered if there was a way for only one side to win the game that I just couldn't see. So recently I asked my facebook contacts if anyone could come up with an answer to that problem. Almost immediately, one of my friends responded with this solution: have one team member unobtrusively hold a ball over the line while the rest of your team holds onto the balls that are being frantically thrown at you. Then at the count of three everyone, including the sneaky over-the-line ball holder, can throw or drop the ball they're holding on the other side of the line and your team will win the game outright. Simple, right? But I never thought of it whenever I remembered that game over the years.
     Which brings me back to the facts that I don't think I could ever kill someone, even to save my own life, and I can't seem to play a winning game of chess. And I figured out these facts are related by the sad truth that I have no offense. My life plan has always been to seek cooperation from others and try to find ways everybody can be happy.
     Now this is fine for many, maybe even most, situations in life. But it occurred to me as I was pondering these things that there will be times when you just can't get cooperation from the people around you, and the stakes will be important enough that you have to try to win - like if someone really is trying to kill you, or if there's only one chocolate left in the box. So you have to develop some offensive strategy to the best of your ability. And maybe it's okay if everybody doesn't end up happy when one of the everybodies involved just wants to kill another of the everybodies, or neither body is willing to split the last coconut cream chocolate. So I'm thinking of changing my philosophy to generally pacifistic but ready to fight when I believe the situation justifies it. And I hope this will make everybody happy ;)