Feelings are not facts!
...yet sometimes they do present
a convincing case.
Friday, October 24, 2014
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Monday, October 6, 2014
You... yeah, you
Wouldn't it be wonderful if every person on this earth knew, just knew, that they have worth? All the energy that goes, every day, into trying to prove that we belong, that we have a right to be here pursuing our dreams, could be freed up for more important uses.
It starts with sibling rivalry, if you are fortunate enough to have siblings. You want Mommy and Daddy's complete love and attention and here is this other person with their own needs and wants trying to get your parents' complete love and attention for themselves, as if they don't know the world revolves around you! Silly siblings! So you step up your game (and step all over the interloper whenever you get a chance) to do your best to get validation that you are the better, more important, most special child in the family. But sometimes your efforts for attention annoy your parents (they always annoy your siblings but who cares about them?) and instead of getting warm fuzzy feelings from basking in parental love and approval you are scolded for your behavior and are left feeling sad and angry, anxious that maybe your parents don't love you anymore, or won't love you if you don't behave just as they want.
And it seems to me most people bring this insecurity and rivalry into their relationships with the rest of the world once they grow older and expand the scope of their wants. And thus we have a world full of people trying to impress each other with their own wonderfulness and importance and behaving badly when old fears of inadequacy are triggered. Social media are full of examples of people boasting, gossiping, arguing and tattling, to, about, with and on each other, just as we did on the playgrounds of our youth! And it still happens in the physical world of work and friendships and families every day, as well.
But what if each and every one of us knew, just knew, that we don't have to waste all that time and energy justifying our existence on the planet, that we are all human beings of equal intrinsic value, worthy of being respected, listened to and loved by others? What if we didn't have the voices in our heads telling us maybe we aren't good enough, the background buzz of anxiety that the love and approval of those around us might disappear at any moment? Think of all the emotional resources freed up for developing talents, pursuing interests, and truly enjoying our interactions with each other! Wouldn't it be loverly?
It starts with sibling rivalry, if you are fortunate enough to have siblings. You want Mommy and Daddy's complete love and attention and here is this other person with their own needs and wants trying to get your parents' complete love and attention for themselves, as if they don't know the world revolves around you! Silly siblings! So you step up your game (and step all over the interloper whenever you get a chance) to do your best to get validation that you are the better, more important, most special child in the family. But sometimes your efforts for attention annoy your parents (they always annoy your siblings but who cares about them?) and instead of getting warm fuzzy feelings from basking in parental love and approval you are scolded for your behavior and are left feeling sad and angry, anxious that maybe your parents don't love you anymore, or won't love you if you don't behave just as they want.
And it seems to me most people bring this insecurity and rivalry into their relationships with the rest of the world once they grow older and expand the scope of their wants. And thus we have a world full of people trying to impress each other with their own wonderfulness and importance and behaving badly when old fears of inadequacy are triggered. Social media are full of examples of people boasting, gossiping, arguing and tattling, to, about, with and on each other, just as we did on the playgrounds of our youth! And it still happens in the physical world of work and friendships and families every day, as well.
But what if each and every one of us knew, just knew, that we don't have to waste all that time and energy justifying our existence on the planet, that we are all human beings of equal intrinsic value, worthy of being respected, listened to and loved by others? What if we didn't have the voices in our heads telling us maybe we aren't good enough, the background buzz of anxiety that the love and approval of those around us might disappear at any moment? Think of all the emotional resources freed up for developing talents, pursuing interests, and truly enjoying our interactions with each other! Wouldn't it be loverly?
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