Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Richness
Friday, December 23, 2011
Peace, Pieces!
All the little pieces
Scattered 'round the floor
Stoop to pick a couple up
There's a couple more
Gather up the pieces
Put them in the box
Here's a bit of ocean
Here's part of the rocks
Peer under the sofa
Reach behind the door
How did this one end up here?
What is that one for?
Sifting, sorting, the multicolored throng
Weighing, wondering, does this one belong?
Many of these pieces
Don't quite seem to fit
And I find I don't feel sure
I'll ever finish it
Trying to piece together
A complete, finished frame
To hang the middle off of
But nothing looks the same
And so I have a bit of sea
Another bit of sky
Some houses here, some beetles there
An eagle perched up high
Weighing, wondering about the parts I see
Placing, piecing all the parts of me
Scattered 'round the floor
Stoop to pick a couple up
There's a couple more
Gather up the pieces
Put them in the box
Here's a bit of ocean
Here's part of the rocks
Peer under the sofa
Reach behind the door
How did this one end up here?
What is that one for?
Sifting, sorting, the multicolored throng
Weighing, wondering, does this one belong?
Many of these pieces
Don't quite seem to fit
And I find I don't feel sure
I'll ever finish it
Trying to piece together
A complete, finished frame
To hang the middle off of
But nothing looks the same
And so I have a bit of sea
Another bit of sky
Some houses here, some beetles there
An eagle perched up high
Weighing, wondering about the parts I see
Placing, piecing all the parts of me
Friday, December 16, 2011
Make War, Not Love
I've always thought of myself as a pacifist and been unsure I could kill someone, even to save my life, though I am pretty sure I could do it to save one of my children. I've always played a good defensive game of chess, but been unable to figure out how to win the game, except by accident! And I've been sure for years those two facts are related in some way, but until recently didn't think it was worth bothering to figure out how.
But "the times, they are a-changin'." (Never thought I'd be quoting Dylan on this blog! Now I need The Mike to do his impression for me.)
Years ago, I went to a cooperative games night at the kids' elementary school. One of the games we played involved breaking the players up into two equal groups, putting one group on either side of a line down the middle of the room, and giving each group an equal number of small, soft balls. The object of the game was to become the group with no balls on your side of the line.
Of course, as soon as the game started people on both sides started throwing balls like crazy, trying to get them all onto the other side of the line, and it immediately became apparent that wasn't the way to win anything. As I watched, I couldn't see any way all the balls could end up on one side of the line, because they were continually being thrown and returned, and if one side hung on to all of them, thinking they would then throw them all over to the other side at once, they would lose the game while they were stockpiling for that final throw. But I did think of a way both sides could win at the same time.
So I consulted with a few people on my team. They agreed it was worth a try, and we told our plan to our other teammates. Then we called a couple of our opponents to the center to see if they wanted to put the plan into action. They did, so they spread the word to their teammates. Then players on both sides grabbed the nearest ball and hung onto it. Everyone who had a ball came to the center line and, on the count of three, placed their ball on the line, meaning neither side had any balls on it and so both teams won at the same time. Or at least, that was the way the plan was supposed to work. What actually happened was that one of the mothers on my team had a ball in her pocket and once all the other balls were on the line she threw it onto the other side, thinking we won the game without even considering we actually lost it while the ball was in her pocket! By which action she showed herself to be stupid as well as an uncooperative cheater and bad example for all the children present. But that has nothing to do with my point. My point is: I thought of a way for both sides to win the game. Yay!
But I've always wondered if there was a way for only one side to win the game that I just couldn't see. So recently I asked my facebook contacts if anyone could come up with an answer to that problem. Almost immediately, one of my friends responded with this solution: have one team member unobtrusively hold a ball over the line while the rest of your team holds onto the balls that are being frantically thrown at you. Then at the count of three everyone, including the sneaky over-the-line ball holder, can throw or drop the ball they're holding on the other side of the line and your team will win the game outright. Simple, right? But I never thought of it whenever I remembered that game over the years.
Which brings me back to the facts that I don't think I could ever kill someone, even to save my own life, and I can't seem to play a winning game of chess. And I figured out these facts are related by the sad truth that I have no offense. My life plan has always been to seek cooperation from others and try to find ways everybody can be happy.
Now this is fine for many, maybe even most, situations in life. But it occurred to me as I was pondering these things that there will be times when you just can't get cooperation from the people around you, and the stakes will be important enough that you have to try to win - like if someone really is trying to kill you, or if there's only one chocolate left in the box. So you have to develop some offensive strategy to the best of your ability. And maybe it's okay if everybody doesn't end up happy when one of the everybodies involved just wants to kill another of the everybodies, or neither body is willing to split the last coconut cream chocolate. So I'm thinking of changing my philosophy to generally pacifistic but ready to fight when I believe the situation justifies it. And I hope this will make everybody happy ;)
But "the times, they are a-changin'." (Never thought I'd be quoting Dylan on this blog! Now I need The Mike to do his impression for me.)
Years ago, I went to a cooperative games night at the kids' elementary school. One of the games we played involved breaking the players up into two equal groups, putting one group on either side of a line down the middle of the room, and giving each group an equal number of small, soft balls. The object of the game was to become the group with no balls on your side of the line.
Of course, as soon as the game started people on both sides started throwing balls like crazy, trying to get them all onto the other side of the line, and it immediately became apparent that wasn't the way to win anything. As I watched, I couldn't see any way all the balls could end up on one side of the line, because they were continually being thrown and returned, and if one side hung on to all of them, thinking they would then throw them all over to the other side at once, they would lose the game while they were stockpiling for that final throw. But I did think of a way both sides could win at the same time.
So I consulted with a few people on my team. They agreed it was worth a try, and we told our plan to our other teammates. Then we called a couple of our opponents to the center to see if they wanted to put the plan into action. They did, so they spread the word to their teammates. Then players on both sides grabbed the nearest ball and hung onto it. Everyone who had a ball came to the center line and, on the count of three, placed their ball on the line, meaning neither side had any balls on it and so both teams won at the same time. Or at least, that was the way the plan was supposed to work. What actually happened was that one of the mothers on my team had a ball in her pocket and once all the other balls were on the line she threw it onto the other side, thinking we won the game without even considering we actually lost it while the ball was in her pocket! By which action she showed herself to be stupid as well as an uncooperative cheater and bad example for all the children present. But that has nothing to do with my point. My point is: I thought of a way for both sides to win the game. Yay!
But I've always wondered if there was a way for only one side to win the game that I just couldn't see. So recently I asked my facebook contacts if anyone could come up with an answer to that problem. Almost immediately, one of my friends responded with this solution: have one team member unobtrusively hold a ball over the line while the rest of your team holds onto the balls that are being frantically thrown at you. Then at the count of three everyone, including the sneaky over-the-line ball holder, can throw or drop the ball they're holding on the other side of the line and your team will win the game outright. Simple, right? But I never thought of it whenever I remembered that game over the years.
Which brings me back to the facts that I don't think I could ever kill someone, even to save my own life, and I can't seem to play a winning game of chess. And I figured out these facts are related by the sad truth that I have no offense. My life plan has always been to seek cooperation from others and try to find ways everybody can be happy.
Now this is fine for many, maybe even most, situations in life. But it occurred to me as I was pondering these things that there will be times when you just can't get cooperation from the people around you, and the stakes will be important enough that you have to try to win - like if someone really is trying to kill you, or if there's only one chocolate left in the box. So you have to develop some offensive strategy to the best of your ability. And maybe it's okay if everybody doesn't end up happy when one of the everybodies involved just wants to kill another of the everybodies, or neither body is willing to split the last coconut cream chocolate. So I'm thinking of changing my philosophy to generally pacifistic but ready to fight when I believe the situation justifies it. And I hope this will make everybody happy ;)
Monday, December 12, 2011
Choice and Commitment
This post is dedicated to my family of origin, who have taught me more than they know on the subject. I'm sure they would return the compliment!
When you're a teenager and young adult, it's easy to imagine each new friendship and relationship is going to always be as great as it feels at the heady start, the getting-to-know-how-wonderful-each-other-is phase, and will last forever at this same giddy level of interest and interaction. This is a good thing for a young person who is at the individuating stage of development, beginning to make your own way in the world as a separate entity from your parents and family. After all, if you didn't have hope there was something much better out there than what you already know, how many of us would actually take the leap to move out on our own or with roommates? And even more important for the continuation of the human race, how many would take the gigantic leap of joining our self and our future to another person in marriage, to become one and raise new little individuators? There's a reason why someone coined the phrase, "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't," after all! We tend to be a little afraid, or at least cautious, of the unknown and so a good, healthy dose of denial and self-deception can get us over that threshold we might never cross otherwise.
As time goes by, however, we begin to notice little imperfections in our chosen friends and loved ones: they're always running a bit late and so we're always sitting waiting for them; or maybe they have an annoying laugh that begins to grate on our nerves after hearing it thousands of times; or they don't manage money as carefully as we would like them to; or they don't like to try new cuisines and foods the way we do; or maybe they just don't know the new roll of toilet paper should be loaded so the end hangs over the roll, not under, darnit! (It is ridiculous what some parents don't teach their children!) And when we notice these imperfections, whether consciously or not, we're evaluating whether this is a trait or behavior we can continue to tolerate in the long term.
If we are committed to the relationship, we are determined to find ways to tolerate the other person's faults and foibles so we can continue to enjoy each other's company. We may talk to them about what's bothering us and ask for improvement on their part, or we may develop coping mechanisms to block out unpleasant habits, or we may start drinking heavily - whatever helps us through. And if our friend or partner is also committed to the relationship, they'll probably try to make the changes we ask for. They may even have to develop coping mechanisms of their own to deal with our (surely imagined) annoying traits and habits! And so, if both parties feel a strong level of commitment to keeping the connection, a good relationship can grow and flourish over the years until we know the other person almost as well as we know our self and feel secure that we'll always be there for each other.
Eventually, we find a strange thing has occurred. The wonderful, perfect person we originally were drawn to, the one we decided we would always need in our life as a friend or lover, has become just as flawed and annoying and familiar-feeling and intrinsic to our life as those people we grew up with and left behind so long ago when we were beginning to make our own place in the world. Through our strong sense of commitment that kept us going through any disillusionment along the way, we have turned them into family, a family we chose for ourselves.
But what's even more strange is how our original family, people who - with the exception of the married couples contained in it - never chose each other and may not even have chosen each other if they didn't share genes, have always been there for us over the years as we went through the process of becoming an individual in the world and choosing other individuals as friends and family and sharing and surviving and negotiating so many experiences over the years! True, not all family members stay close, or even in touch, but most do try to help and support and share with each other. And that's a pretty amazing level of commitment to someone you had no choice at all about, so this family thing is a pretty amazing invention despite the misunderstandings and pain and fear and frustration that come with close human relationships. Though sometimes, if the frustrations are too great, it leads to some of us being committed in a different way, but that's a subject for another post!
When you're a teenager and young adult, it's easy to imagine each new friendship and relationship is going to always be as great as it feels at the heady start, the getting-to-know-how-wonderful-each-other-is phase, and will last forever at this same giddy level of interest and interaction. This is a good thing for a young person who is at the individuating stage of development, beginning to make your own way in the world as a separate entity from your parents and family. After all, if you didn't have hope there was something much better out there than what you already know, how many of us would actually take the leap to move out on our own or with roommates? And even more important for the continuation of the human race, how many would take the gigantic leap of joining our self and our future to another person in marriage, to become one and raise new little individuators? There's a reason why someone coined the phrase, "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't," after all! We tend to be a little afraid, or at least cautious, of the unknown and so a good, healthy dose of denial and self-deception can get us over that threshold we might never cross otherwise.
As time goes by, however, we begin to notice little imperfections in our chosen friends and loved ones: they're always running a bit late and so we're always sitting waiting for them; or maybe they have an annoying laugh that begins to grate on our nerves after hearing it thousands of times; or they don't manage money as carefully as we would like them to; or they don't like to try new cuisines and foods the way we do; or maybe they just don't know the new roll of toilet paper should be loaded so the end hangs over the roll, not under, darnit! (It is ridiculous what some parents don't teach their children!) And when we notice these imperfections, whether consciously or not, we're evaluating whether this is a trait or behavior we can continue to tolerate in the long term.
If we are committed to the relationship, we are determined to find ways to tolerate the other person's faults and foibles so we can continue to enjoy each other's company. We may talk to them about what's bothering us and ask for improvement on their part, or we may develop coping mechanisms to block out unpleasant habits, or we may start drinking heavily - whatever helps us through. And if our friend or partner is also committed to the relationship, they'll probably try to make the changes we ask for. They may even have to develop coping mechanisms of their own to deal with our (surely imagined) annoying traits and habits! And so, if both parties feel a strong level of commitment to keeping the connection, a good relationship can grow and flourish over the years until we know the other person almost as well as we know our self and feel secure that we'll always be there for each other.
Eventually, we find a strange thing has occurred. The wonderful, perfect person we originally were drawn to, the one we decided we would always need in our life as a friend or lover, has become just as flawed and annoying and familiar-feeling and intrinsic to our life as those people we grew up with and left behind so long ago when we were beginning to make our own place in the world. Through our strong sense of commitment that kept us going through any disillusionment along the way, we have turned them into family, a family we chose for ourselves.
But what's even more strange is how our original family, people who - with the exception of the married couples contained in it - never chose each other and may not even have chosen each other if they didn't share genes, have always been there for us over the years as we went through the process of becoming an individual in the world and choosing other individuals as friends and family and sharing and surviving and negotiating so many experiences over the years! True, not all family members stay close, or even in touch, but most do try to help and support and share with each other. And that's a pretty amazing level of commitment to someone you had no choice at all about, so this family thing is a pretty amazing invention despite the misunderstandings and pain and fear and frustration that come with close human relationships. Though sometimes, if the frustrations are too great, it leads to some of us being committed in a different way, but that's a subject for another post!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Creation
Swirling mass of chaos
Thickly clouding my perceptions
Makes it hard to
See what to do
How to achieve my goals
Forced sensory overload
All the needs and wants and fears
How did you get
Inside my head?
You don't belong to me
Turn attention inward
Take deep breaths and settle down
This work is mine
My chance to shine
Let's take it seriously
Push and pull, stop to ponder
Now the vision's growing stronger
Stretch here, smoosh there
This should go where?
Reflecting my reality
Bring the inside outward
Allow the outside inward
Fold in neatly
Blend completely
See sky while feeling earth
Angst and sweat and toil are past
Here's the vision brought to life
Look here by me
Now do you see
All I meant to say?
Have I finished now?
Can I say I made this?
Contemplate it
Rest for a bit
Tomorrow's another day
Thickly clouding my perceptions
Makes it hard to
See what to do
How to achieve my goals
Forced sensory overload
All the needs and wants and fears
How did you get
Inside my head?
You don't belong to me
Turn attention inward
Take deep breaths and settle down
This work is mine
My chance to shine
Let's take it seriously
Push and pull, stop to ponder
Now the vision's growing stronger
Stretch here, smoosh there
This should go where?
Reflecting my reality
Bring the inside outward
Allow the outside inward
Fold in neatly
Blend completely
See sky while feeling earth
Angst and sweat and toil are past
Here's the vision brought to life
Look here by me
Now do you see
All I meant to say?
Have I finished now?
Can I say I made this?
Contemplate it
Rest for a bit
Tomorrow's another day
Saturday, December 3, 2011
You Never Really Know
It's been such a crazy week I haven't really had much time to think about things (weird, for me!) but I sat down at the keyboard this morning to try to write something for this blog because I believe it's important for me right now to do this regularly and it's been a couple days since I posted anything. As I sit here, I'm distracting myself with the Book of Faces and a spider solitaire game instead of trying to meditate on what I might like to write about, but somewhere under the surface of my thoughts things must be brewing anyway because it just came to me that I've relearned a couple of huge life lessons this week.
The one that strikes me most strongly is how important it is not to judge others, even when you really want to because categorizing makes you feel safer in an uncertain world and, especially, categorizing others in an "inferior" category and yourself in a "superior" one makes you feel both safer and better about yourself! But the truth is, if one stays open to possibility, it is possible to learn so much from the "inferior" others.
Observing, trying to be helpful to others in a caring, mindful way, and then sitting back to meditate occasionally on what has been happening in our lives can all be difficult to do, given the frenetic pace the society we live in seems to move at. But so much can be gained from not giving in the to siren song of "I want more and I want it now!" that plays in various keys all around us, not least of which is greater understanding - and thus peace with and control over - our own motivations.
So there I was earlier this week, thinking I was helping a young friend through a personal crisis and hoping I could impart some wisdom that would help her to have a smoother ride on the road ahead of her. I was feeling all wise and secure in my aged wisdom. Sure, I felt bad for her pain, but at least I was much too old and sagacious to fall into the same sort of situation myself!
Smugness never becomes me for very long. As I sit here this morning, I realize I am still motivated by the same feelings she has been suffering through and, what's more, had nowhere near the same insight and ability to deal with them at her age that she has displayed to me! I was blown away by the level of understanding of herself and her situation she showed to me in our talk last night and how quickly she seems to be bouncing back from some very devastating emotional turmoil.
So now I'm thinking perhaps I should call her this evening to talk about something in my life that's been bothering me a lot lately. After all, does it really matter if we get to be the teacher or the student as long as we're all trying to learn together?
The one that strikes me most strongly is how important it is not to judge others, even when you really want to because categorizing makes you feel safer in an uncertain world and, especially, categorizing others in an "inferior" category and yourself in a "superior" one makes you feel both safer and better about yourself! But the truth is, if one stays open to possibility, it is possible to learn so much from the "inferior" others.
Observing, trying to be helpful to others in a caring, mindful way, and then sitting back to meditate occasionally on what has been happening in our lives can all be difficult to do, given the frenetic pace the society we live in seems to move at. But so much can be gained from not giving in the to siren song of "I want more and I want it now!" that plays in various keys all around us, not least of which is greater understanding - and thus peace with and control over - our own motivations.
So there I was earlier this week, thinking I was helping a young friend through a personal crisis and hoping I could impart some wisdom that would help her to have a smoother ride on the road ahead of her. I was feeling all wise and secure in my aged wisdom. Sure, I felt bad for her pain, but at least I was much too old and sagacious to fall into the same sort of situation myself!
Smugness never becomes me for very long. As I sit here this morning, I realize I am still motivated by the same feelings she has been suffering through and, what's more, had nowhere near the same insight and ability to deal with them at her age that she has displayed to me! I was blown away by the level of understanding of herself and her situation she showed to me in our talk last night and how quickly she seems to be bouncing back from some very devastating emotional turmoil.
So now I'm thinking perhaps I should call her this evening to talk about something in my life that's been bothering me a lot lately. After all, does it really matter if we get to be the teacher or the student as long as we're all trying to learn together?
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Free Will
Your pain in my heart
Too intertwined to part
Is this really empathy?
Must I cry your tears?
Must I feel your fears?
Is there no place for me?
To serve is to love
What do I know of
Service to my own desires?
If I have no voice
And I see no choice
I'm just like conducting wire
Serving the purpose for which I was made
Building upon the foundation you laid
But never knowing the cost to myself
And never showing it to someone else
But if I want that
Yet choose to stand fast
Out of faithfulness to you
And if I feel loss
Struggling to be boss
Over all I say and do
Doesn't that mean more
When there's a chance for
Selfishness to hold sway?
If I can know me
Yet choose not to be free
That's love that's here to stay
Too intertwined to part
Is this really empathy?
Must I cry your tears?
Must I feel your fears?
Is there no place for me?
To serve is to love
What do I know of
Service to my own desires?
If I have no voice
And I see no choice
I'm just like conducting wire
Serving the purpose for which I was made
Building upon the foundation you laid
But never knowing the cost to myself
And never showing it to someone else
But if I want that
Yet choose to stand fast
Out of faithfulness to you
And if I feel loss
Struggling to be boss
Over all I say and do
Doesn't that mean more
When there's a chance for
Selfishness to hold sway?
If I can know me
Yet choose not to be free
That's love that's here to stay
Sunday, November 27, 2011
A Sense of Belonging?
Okay, back to "us" vs. "them" mentality...
Humans are social creatures, yes? I presume that means we feel a strong need to belong to a group of other humans. But is it just not enough to belong to the group of humanity as a whole? Is that too large and vague a group for us? Do we have an innate need to create and categorize smaller groups and sort ourselves into one or more of them? It seems we are constantly making observations and, consequently, judgments about those around us. And I would conclude, based on the conversation of those around me, that the judgments we make often reassure us that we're better than those we observe in some way.
So is the grouping all about shoring up our self esteem by placing others in inferior groups and ourselves in a superior group? Or is it more about breaking something large and vague down into more manageable and comprehensible subsets? To restate it: do we judge others to make ourselves feel better than them and, thus, about ourselves, or because we have trouble feeling a real sense of belonging in such a large group as the number of persons living on the earth today and need smaller, more specific guidelines for the clan we identify ourselves with?
And that last question makes me wonder if we're simply more comfortable with a labeled world? Do we feel safer if we can put others into categories somehow, as if that will help us know what to expect from them at all times? Are we driven by a fear of the unknown and a fallacious belief that, if we can just pin others down and post a label on them, we will then know everything we need to know about them so as not to be surprised by them in some way in the future?
Anyone got any thoughts, theories, questions to add? I'm still mulling this all over. Meanwhile, I'm gonna go put myself into a subset of people who ask a lot of questions...
Humans are social creatures, yes? I presume that means we feel a strong need to belong to a group of other humans. But is it just not enough to belong to the group of humanity as a whole? Is that too large and vague a group for us? Do we have an innate need to create and categorize smaller groups and sort ourselves into one or more of them? It seems we are constantly making observations and, consequently, judgments about those around us. And I would conclude, based on the conversation of those around me, that the judgments we make often reassure us that we're better than those we observe in some way.
So is the grouping all about shoring up our self esteem by placing others in inferior groups and ourselves in a superior group? Or is it more about breaking something large and vague down into more manageable and comprehensible subsets? To restate it: do we judge others to make ourselves feel better than them and, thus, about ourselves, or because we have trouble feeling a real sense of belonging in such a large group as the number of persons living on the earth today and need smaller, more specific guidelines for the clan we identify ourselves with?
And that last question makes me wonder if we're simply more comfortable with a labeled world? Do we feel safer if we can put others into categories somehow, as if that will help us know what to expect from them at all times? Are we driven by a fear of the unknown and a fallacious belief that, if we can just pin others down and post a label on them, we will then know everything we need to know about them so as not to be surprised by them in some way in the future?
Anyone got any thoughts, theories, questions to add? I'm still mulling this all over. Meanwhile, I'm gonna go put myself into a subset of people who ask a lot of questions...
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Don't Be Scurred
"Fear causes most - if not all - of the problems in human relationships." I coined this little phrase years ago and over time it's held true for me. When I look at a problem I'm having with someone in my life, I can always find fear of some sort at the bottom of it.
The other day I was talking with an interesting woman I've recently met about the reasons for war and political unrest around the world. I pulled out the aforementioned saying as a reason why people can't seem to cooperate to make sure everyone has their basic needs for sustaining life met. She opined that greed causes a lot of these sorts of problems. So I got to thinking, what are the connections between fear and greed? Does greed stem from a fear that, if you don't have more than enough, you will someday not even have enough?
What do you think? Is there fear at the bottom of greed? Do humans just want more and more stuff because we're greedy or do we want it because we fear running out unless we stockpile? Are we afraid if we don't grab things from others they'll grab from us or that someday that resource will be gone and we'll be without unless we take some now?
I know we humans are very complex creatures, so perhaps I'm oversimplifying this. But I read years ago in some self-help book (the bane of modern civilization!) that even anger is a secondary emotion we feel because, underneath somewhere, we're feeling the primary emotion of pain or fear - emotions we label as "negative" and that leave us feeling uncomfortably powerless. We prefer to feel the anger because it makes us feel more powerful, less helpless. And when I thought about that one I could see truth in it, at least in my own emotional world. And I began looking for and trying to root out the fears that cause me to feel unjustified anger with others. After all, "perfect love casts out fear", and I want to be a loving person.
So now I'm thinking, if greed is rooted in fear, doesn't that make it unloving toward ourselves and others? If we act and react based on underlying emotions we don't understand or even know are there, aren't we at the mercy of, or enslaved to, those emotions? Shouldn't we try to be guided by well-thought-out principles rather than continually changing feelings? I'm thinking here. What do you think? Let's keep thinking...
The other day I was talking with an interesting woman I've recently met about the reasons for war and political unrest around the world. I pulled out the aforementioned saying as a reason why people can't seem to cooperate to make sure everyone has their basic needs for sustaining life met. She opined that greed causes a lot of these sorts of problems. So I got to thinking, what are the connections between fear and greed? Does greed stem from a fear that, if you don't have more than enough, you will someday not even have enough?
What do you think? Is there fear at the bottom of greed? Do humans just want more and more stuff because we're greedy or do we want it because we fear running out unless we stockpile? Are we afraid if we don't grab things from others they'll grab from us or that someday that resource will be gone and we'll be without unless we take some now?
I know we humans are very complex creatures, so perhaps I'm oversimplifying this. But I read years ago in some self-help book (the bane of modern civilization!) that even anger is a secondary emotion we feel because, underneath somewhere, we're feeling the primary emotion of pain or fear - emotions we label as "negative" and that leave us feeling uncomfortably powerless. We prefer to feel the anger because it makes us feel more powerful, less helpless. And when I thought about that one I could see truth in it, at least in my own emotional world. And I began looking for and trying to root out the fears that cause me to feel unjustified anger with others. After all, "perfect love casts out fear", and I want to be a loving person.
So now I'm thinking, if greed is rooted in fear, doesn't that make it unloving toward ourselves and others? If we act and react based on underlying emotions we don't understand or even know are there, aren't we at the mercy of, or enslaved to, those emotions? Shouldn't we try to be guided by well-thought-out principles rather than continually changing feelings? I'm thinking here. What do you think? Let's keep thinking...
Saturday, November 19, 2011
"Us" Vs. "Them"
Once it becomes "us" vs. "them" in your mind, you're well on your way to losing, because you've already lost half (or thereabouts) of the people you could have had as allies. This one is percolating lately, so I believe there will be more on this later...
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Cultural Similarities
Child bride, enjoy your play
Under Indian skies
This is your last day
For chasing butterflies
Child bride in Africa
Say goodbye at school
No need for "mathematica"
When using household tools
They'll dress you well
They'll paint your face
The "party" soon will start
And who can tell
Beneath silk and lace
The terror in your heart?
Child bride of Muslim faith
Your parents guard your life
To keep your honor safe
You must become a wife
Child bride, the man you'll meet
Will be your husband now
Kind we pray he'll be
Obey him anyhow
The food's prepared
The guests are here
The women come for you
Although you're scared
They calm your fears
With songs they hum and coo
Child bride, the music's fine
The smiles are so bright
You repeat the lines
They want you to recite
Child bride, do you know
Tonight you leave your home,
Tonight you will be sold,
Tonight you will be owned?
Under Indian skies
This is your last day
For chasing butterflies
Child bride in Africa
Say goodbye at school
No need for "mathematica"
When using household tools
They'll dress you well
They'll paint your face
The "party" soon will start
And who can tell
Beneath silk and lace
The terror in your heart?
Child bride of Muslim faith
Your parents guard your life
To keep your honor safe
You must become a wife
Child bride, the man you'll meet
Will be your husband now
Kind we pray he'll be
Obey him anyhow
The food's prepared
The guests are here
The women come for you
Although you're scared
They calm your fears
With songs they hum and coo
Child bride, the music's fine
The smiles are so bright
You repeat the lines
They want you to recite
Child bride, do you know
Tonight you leave your home,
Tonight you will be sold,
Tonight you will be owned?
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